Day by day this is getting harder and harder for me and it’s all because I am too caring and I have myself in a relationship in which I am miserable I think I am just torturing myself belcause every time I try to touch will he backs away and it hurts
The question is am I over reacting or what do I need to do . If I am over reacting and if I am and I lose everything just because of emotion and if I am not then I am I not standing up for myself. I know my value and i know that I am worthy of love and I know that there are people who do want me
You know he says that he didn’t want to be in a relationship but neither did I. No one is ever looking for one those that are end up failing I know that whether you think so or not my feelings are justified and you can ask other people even your friends I am the one who looks stupid and they wonder why I am still here. I wonder myself all the time I mean if there was a medical problem i understand but to sit and make me feel totally rejected is sad
Put on our shitkickers and close our mouth. My blog is supposed to not necessarily be uplifting but motivational and show others they are not alone. As far as what is wrong with me I don’t really know all I know is that the harder I try to be happy the more I end up self sabotaging
It’s like I know that I am going to fail so let me help it along. Well we also come to a point where if we value ourselves in any way we know what we deserve
I had a long conversation last night with a very good friend and realize that I am constantly seeking toxic people in my life and I think it’s because I somehow think I deserve it or can’t do any better
So I have been wanting to write my story for a while now and with the advertisement sites shut down which added to some pre existing frustration. To add to this the juvenile players whose intintion was to get under your skin I figured I would write down my frustrations instead of acting out because what they want is a reaction and I am not going to give it to them .
So, the basics of what got me here and where I am.
My name is Shelby Lynne Belle known to others as the mouth of the south. I am a 44 year old escort working in northern California. I started working as an escort about three years ago when I lived on the East Bay area and I moved to Sacramento almost a year ago. There were a few things that made me decide to go this route as far as escorting is concerned. First of all my roommate who had a gambling problem had all of a sudden disappeared with my rent money and deposit. That left me in a situation that I have never been in before. Suddenly when survival mode kicks in you suddenly become a lot stronger than you ever thought was possible. I was strong and very resilient and somehow when I receive my first appointment that is when I Shelby and her mouth came to excist.
Shelby Belle my inner whore, she had always been there but now she had a name she had a voice .I lived my life vicariously through her. I called her my alter ego. As time moved on and I could have stopped working as an escort I didn’t because I would have to put Shelby away. Shelby was named after the southern Belle in the movie steel magnolias. She was called the mouth of the south.